King of Bullshit

 Many years ago, I had a young computer intern name Jason. Jason considered himself to be a genius, so it was always fun to bring him down to reality.

I can't recall why Jason was in my office, but some how he mentioned B&W television. I told him there has never been a B&W television.

Jason looked at me bewildered, unaware that he was talking to the King of Bullshit.

"What do you mean?" asked Jason.

"The only televisions and cameras ever made were color," I answered.

All I got from Jason was a deer in the headlights look.

"What?" asked Jason.

"Televisions and cameras were always color," I told him. "In the old days, life was B&W."

Jason walked away, shaking his head.

Harvey

 I was awakened at 8 AM for breakfast. My aide was standing next to me with a food tray. I groggily said good morning. She was new and we introduced ourselves.

It is now 8:05. I sat up to eat breakfast. My TV was on. Channel 28. The sound was muted.

I hardly watch TV at all. The TV news in the morning mainly, channels 4 or 5 (NBC and ABC). I can't begin to tell you what a channel 28 is. I never mute the TV for any reason.

The TV remote was not in its spot, which is in an old desk organizer of mine on my night stand. As on my boats, everything in its place. It was sitting on my night stand. I never put it there. When I turn on the TV, back in the organizer it goes so I can find it to turn the TV off.

My invisible roommate also opens closet and bathroom doors that are always closed. Sometimes, but rarely, opens the big window shade during the night. He moves other things, like apples from my food tray.

I have named him Harvey, since he cannot tell me his name himself. He doesn't seem to mind. Being a guy, I can call him any name I want, just don't call him late for dinner. HAHAHAHA... Harvey has my quirky sense of humor.

Preventative

 I'm watching the 11 PM news. Some advice for newscasters about English.

The word is "preventive" not "preventative". As in preventive medicine. There is no such thing as preventative medicine.

I mean, this is just stupid. It is not OK. Have you ever heard of festative? Talkatative? Lactatating? Inventative?

preventative indeed. Newscastaters should know better.

It's So Hard To Be Me

 So my Dave Day continues.

I used a new shower today. Everyone said the one I was using was terrible compared to these other ones. So down the hall of The Home I went.

It looked nice. I reached in to turn on the hot water in the shower so it would warm up and promptly got drenched in cold water. This shower has a hand-held shower gizmo that someone left dangling, pointed right at me. I quick-grabbed-closed the shower curtain. It was a foot too narrow. What the heck? I reached in to grab the nozzle while getting sprayed all over as it spun at the end of its metal hose. Before long, there was a puddle a couple of inches deep outside the shower on the changing area floor. The drain didn't. I was still dressed, so I was wet, and my clothes were wet.

I took off my dripping clothes and showered OK, but then I had to wade through the changing room pool to my wet clothes. I had to put them back on to walk down the hall to my room.

It is so hard to be me.

Free Stuff

I turned on the TV news. For once, the headline was not the pandemic but refugees walking north to the US from points south.

I am going to set aside my usual humorous look at life and get serious, since this is a very serious issue for Americans today.

I've read, with great dismay, the bigoted rants from many here. "They're coming to take our jobs! They'll get free stuff! They'll vote Democrat! They won't learn English! They don't look like us!"

Puh-leese. No. Just simply no. I have never read such idiocy in my life. It HAS to be coming from the retards (my apologies to the mentally disabled for the use of THAT old bigoted term) at Fox News. The ol' fair and balanced source of stupidity.

Let me start with the easy one. English. The United States has no official language. Or culture. Get that thought out of your head right now. We are a melting pot, and I for one celebrate that. I don't want to live where everyone looks and acts just like me. Yeah, like that would happen. You know what I mean.

What these migrant folks are, are people. Refugee people. People coming here to improve their lot in life. People leaving behind all they knew, friends and relatives they love, to seek a better life away from violence, civil war, a drug culture, and poverty. Some, like a few I've personally known in the past, are fleeing violence in their home countries and are running north to protect their families. One kid I saw on the news was ten years old, traveling all alone. His mom and or dad sent him away. Can you conceive of a parent resorting to such a desperate move?

Imagine being ten, like that one kid I watched on the news, and being told to walk north a thousand miles with just the clothes on your back with a few pesos in your pocket, and relying on the kindness of fellow travelers. Could you do that when you were ten? But he's coming here for our free stuff and to vote Democrat?

Now, Dave comes out, channeling Will Rogers.

The Jews fleeing WWII Europe came here for free stuff and that Hitler thing was an excuse. There was no potato famine in Ireland. Free stuff. Asians didn't flock here to build railroads. Free stuff. Columbus sailed here looking for free stuff. Lewis and Clark were looking for free stuff out west. Go back in time to Moses who wandered the desert looking for free stuff.

We are all on Facebook and the internet why? We're all looking for free stuff.

The US has a space program and we send rovers to Mars to search for more free stuff, since we're running out of free stuff here on Earth.

But seriously... those so-called Americans who think these refugee folks are coming here for free stuff should be absolutely ashamed of themselves. Vote Democrat? Most have no idea what voting means.

To quote a famous American, "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.".

I suggest moving the Statue of Liberty to El Paso.

I Am Not Making This Up

 I am not making this up.

During lunch, I turn on the TV "news", which today was TV "commercials". So I channel surfed. I found the fights. Not just any fights. Not boxing. Not wrestling. Oh no. I watched the hair drying fights.

These two guys, one a 122 pounder and one 240, went to a sink in an old restaurant in a strip mall. There, the referee soaked their hair. They then made their way to the ring for the fight.

The announcer announced a time limit of six minutes and sixty-four seconds. The bell went off.

The contestants circled each other. They grabbed towels hanging from the ropes. They tussled (not wrestled) each other, drying each other's hair. One grabbed a hair drying and the fight was on.

At the end, the bell rang. The referee felt each fighter's hair and declared a winner.

I turned it off. I can't drink in the home, but I must have gotten a bad batch of drugs.

I wonder what's on the internet?

The Home's Ghost

Now The Home's resident ghost has really done it. It got my TV remote.

Is it on my table where it "lives"? Nope.

Maybe I fell asleep with it in my hand last night and it's in my bed? So I made my bed. No.

On my nightstand? Nuh uh.

Under my bed where it hid my ring? Not there. Not that I can get on my hands and knees to look, mind you, but I kind of bent over.

This is getting serious now. I am done messing around. It might be time to see The Home Advocate to inquire about an exorcism.

Civil Rights for Dummies

 Whoa! Again, I'm watching the morning TV news. Again, I am amazed at American stupidity.

"I have a CIVIL RIGHT to SHOP in PUBLIC PLACES without a MASK!" declared an man.

You do not have a civil right to shop. You have a privilege to shop. Check the Bill of Rights. You also have a civil right to own a gun, yet those are regulated.

You do not shop in public places. You shop in privately owned places. Private includes individuals and corporations.

You do not have a right to not wear a mask. You have a choice. You can wear a mask to protect our communities from your germs, or you can stay home or just stay away from others. You can wear pants so we don't see your junk, not a right to be naked.

Wear a mask. Don't wear a mask. It's up to you. It is also up to us to determine where, how, and when.

"I can't breathe!" is the excuse.

I really understand that one. I also feel like I am suffocating. Of course, I am not suffocating. I imagine I am suffocating, in my alleged brain. Otherwise, the first course you would take in medical school is Mask Suffocation 101. Or an online course "Wearing a mask, gown, and other personal protective equipment: Are they really good for you?"

I look forward to the Big Pants Debate sure to follow.

Like

Comment

Share

Water vs. Paperwork

 I pushed my call button just now. 5:20AM.

The night guy came in.

"Whaddaya need?"

"Water please?" as I handed him the pitcher.

"You can get it yourself now," he said, meaning that I'm out of quarantine.

"I can? Where?" I asked, not knowing the secret place where ice cold water comes from. Not the cold water tap, for sure.

"I get it from the water fountain," he said.

He handed me the pitcher and left.

"Yeah, that way you wouldn't have to do a thing," I muttered.

Seriously, I have no idea what the night shift does. No meals, no meds to give. Sure, I can get my own damn water, but I am still a fall risk and unsteady. I walk with a cane.

Cane in my right hand, a pitcher of water in my left, and a butt cheek to try to work the door handle. Makes sense to me.

These places hate it when you fall. Too much paperwork. The Home hates paperwork.

Like

Comment

Share

The TV News

 I don't know about you, but I'm sick of watching news about Covid.

I've seen the same segment about the virus on "NBC News Now" that I've been watching over and over for the past two weeks. Is it still news? Is it still now?

Another one is George Floyd's killer, officer Derek Chauvin. I don't know what poor Mr. Floyd did, but having a cop kneel on your neck for nine minutes seems a tad harsh no matter what. Stealing a car while drunk and on drugs? That's a nine minute offense.

I wonder if Officer Chauvin stopped because his back was starting to ache a bit...

"Is he dead yet?" asked Chauvin. "I'm not sure. Better kneel on hime some more."

"Damnit," said Chauvin.

NYC's Naked Cowboy was arrested in Florida for aggressive panhandling. I suppose that must be a law there. If you don't know, he's not really naked. He's a buff young guy who parades around in his BVDs and cowboy hat while carrying a guitar. That is not against the law as long as you don't get rough asking for change.

"Give me your quarters or the hat comes off!"

It's a good thing Officer Chauvin didn't see him.

 I find it just wrong that there is an ad on TV for Lasik surgery, and the disclaimers is at the bottom of the screen in small disclaimer type. There should be a font called "disclaimer".

"There's a fly settin' on the TV, Martha."

"No, that's the disclaimer."

A fella on Facebook posted that his cockatoo ate some foam and had to be rushed to an emergency room two hours away. It took all I had to not post the reply "Why? He's probably on his way out and stuffing himself." Good bird.

On the bright side, Congress wants to give us even more stipend money. In the olden days, it was called mad money. Get an unexpected windfall and go crazy. My free dough will go to pay for the Home's double billing that overdrew my checking account by $1,200. The rest is mine to keep as long as the Home doesn't find out about it.

I get more news from Facebook. You can get your news, the news that matters, right here.

Random Stupid Musings

 Bob Hope described his curved nose as a ski jump.  Meghan Markle has the same.  It is attractive though.  I never thought about Bob Hope as attractive.  Harry is lucky.  Meghan has a bubbly personality.  Markle sparkle.

For whatever the reason I push my call button, the aide arrives with coffee.  Always.  I have them well trained.  All I wanted was to ask for a decongestant, but coffee is OK too.

Wrestling, like nostalgia, isn't what it used to be.  It is no longer with a wink and a nod.  Now they not only pretend it's real, I think many performers believe it's real.

Wrestling might be fake, but gravity is not.  Paraphrased from wrestler Marc Mera.

An old friend said there is high school and college wrestling, and TV rassling.

I recently had to refresh its and it's and when to use either.  Its not easy.

Facebook has a new feature that tags a post you've made as "author" if you are one.  This is just too stupid to comment on.

We have a new word.  Deepfake.  It is on NBC News this morning so it must be a real word. I guess that is deeper than regular fake.  I would rather see "really really fake".  Instead of posting that a manipulated photo of Tom Cruise is fake, it is deepfake (one word, not two).

Why can't women be NFL officials?  They have eyes, ears, and a brain.  Which is more than current officials.  I can envision a coach charging a woman official to protest a call, as she puts her hands on her hips and gives him "the look".

It is 2021.  Why do we still have sandpaper-like toilet paper that easily tears off way too soon as you unroll it?

All genuine oriental (or Persian) rugs have an intentional flaw.  Only Allah is perfect.  To make a perfect rug would be blasphemy to a devout Muslim.

It is said your are a lover or a fighter.  There is a third category.  A really good runner.

I Found It On My Food Tray

 Huh. What do you suppose this is? I found it on my food table, so I must have saved it from breakfast. It's like it has frozen over, but it is in my room which is 80* (you read that right) so that ain't it.

I looked at it. I tapped it with my plastic spoon. It would not penetrate. I hit it harder and harder, almost breaking my plastic spoon. No dice.

I took this photo to share with you to try to figure out. Before hitting the post button, I looked at it sitting on my food table. Funny. What in the world could it be? It must be from... breakfast...

Then it dawned on me that it was a plastic lid on my oatmeal.

Never mind.

I should be in a home... never mind some more...

And Pamela is smiling and shaking her head.

Apples and Oranges

 Well hell.

I just tried again to use Instacart (they do a great job, BTW) to have fresh fruit delivered. No dice. Price Chopper (a local grocery chain) will not drive 3.9 miles to deliver to the home, even though I was tipping $10 on a $21.43 order. What else would I spend my money on? Girls in the home?

Price Chopper does not actually deliver anything. It is done by local drivers. No one in the Greenwich/Argyle area needs work? While the money cannot be great, it is better than nothing. I'd do it if I still drove. Make myself a few bucks and provide a needed service to the elderly and handicapped.

I guess there is no work ethic anymore. Or fun ethic.

I'm Ornery

I was taught a valuable lesson as a young guy many years ago. Remember the Golden Rule. Those with the gold rule.

In this case, the gold is your book, not your agent. There is only this one book, written by you. But there are hundreds of editors and publishers. You can now even self-publish, as I do, and bypass that whole nasty mess.

I am an ornery cuss. I don't play well with others. I wrote my book the way I did for a reason, and I don't want an editor telling me to change it. So what do I need an editor for? I don't. And I suspect in this age of self-publishing, more and more writers feel the same way.

I went your route with the first book I wrote. It was good, I thought. Very good. Editors shot me down, one by one. But I had the last laugh. i self-published it, and in its first month, it was on Amazon's best seller list. 

Gettin' Groceries

 I need to get to $35 to get free delivery from Price Chopper through Instacart. They don't deliver here, but I'm bored and putting together a cart just in case they change their minds. After all, yesterday I sent Price Chopper a message about this problem. I imagine the corporate guys are running around their Manhatten penthouse office in panic mode, even now in the middle of the night.

I put in the things I need into the cart. $0. I don't need anything so I actually didn't put in anything. Pay attention.

Then I put in the things I like that the home doesn't have. Apples, oranges, bananas, and grapes. That got me to $13. I am NOT paying a $5 delivery fee for $13 worth of food.

So I put in some things I rarely buy. Dr. Pepper, air freshener (for my roommate should I get one), I'm at $21.43. I need $13.57 more.

I need to do this. I am NOT paying $5 for the honor of buying groceries. What else should I buy? I still have ginger ale in stock.

I'd buy beer but the home doesn't allow it blah blah blah.

I need to find more things that I need. Any idea?